The movement leaves me dizzy, for fast was never a speed that I’ve done well. Though words can come fast (from my lips or from my fingers), my moving and living, I’ve always done slow.
And it’s caused me problems, a little more than once, all my ponderings and perhapses. For time is sovereign in this world of ours, and doesn’t often leave room for the extras. The smelling of roses, the sighing over music, the browsing of books. And so while I start out ambling through my day like a Sunday driver, I end up racing half panic -stricken to make up for lost time and reach this or that place when I’m supposed to be there.
No, life doesn’t give us time enough for wonder. No, not enough time at all. Not like I thought it would be, those days before my real children came, when I poured over Victorian homemaker’s guides, all those black and white photos of ringletted children sprawled out on quilts to watch the clouds pass by, or gathered round the fire while their mother darned their stockings and read from Grimm’s Fairy Tales.
While we have our moments, our moments of creativity and laughter and peace, it seems to me that every day is more like a race. A mad rush to cross off my list, and get through the cycle I completed just the day before (with a few things extra, if I’m lucky).
It’s a mad rush, a frenzy, and the movement leaves me dizzy. For all day, every day, I move things. Move crumbs from tables and high chairs, from countertops and floors. Move clothes from hamper to washing machine, from washing machine to dryer, from dryer to drawer. Move dishes from dishwasher to cupboards, from cupboards to table, and back again. And the toys, oh the toys!
I move people, too. In and out of cribs and high chairs, pajamas and nappies, car seats and prams. The boys, they move, too. Round me in circles at times, trailing behind them their tears, their bickering, their shouts, till I feel like they’ve bound me and I might just crash.
And I’m running and I’m rushing, taking glances at my list, hardly stopping it seems at times, to eat or drink, let alone to wonder. Ponder. Enjoy.
Through the blinding light of these last few days—the unhindered light of the winter sun glaring off mountains of snow—I’ve tried to stand back and look. To breathe deeply and untangle the movement, the activity, and the noise. To find beauty, find truth, and remind myself why I do what I do. Where we’re headed, and why I dared to bring these little lives into the world.
For what is the point of making our home look peaceful and beautiful, if peace and beauty are not found in our hearts? And how can I ever find the strength to have patience in those moments of chaos, or have serenity, or joy, or wonder enough to pour out on my children, if I do not first take time to let myself be filled?
I don’t often have hours. For though I’d like it otherwise, busyness is the call of motherhood. But I’ve learned the importance of taking a few minutes—even five or ten—to feel God’s arms around me, listen to his voice, and ask his Spirit to fill me with his strength, his stillness, his truth.
Without him I so often end up on a merry-go-round of movement, my head spinning, and my day feeling as fractured as a mirror broken into a thousand colored shards, and I cannot think straight enough to put back the pieces.
And so that alarm gets set. A few moments to myself. I’m tired, yes, but those twenty minutes of quiet, just me and God, will make all the difference for the rest of my day.
I asked some friends to help me by sharing their favourite morning readings. Some are my favourites, too, and the others, I look forward to reading. A few are also available on CD, for drives in the car or mountains of laundry that need folded or ironed! As I said, I haven’t read them all, and so cannot comment on each one, but I’d SO love to hear your thoughts on ones you’ve read–or suggestions for more! Most can be purchased on christianbook.com
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One Minute With God by Kathy Hardee
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The Book Lover’s Devotional from Barbour Publishing
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Running Into Water – by Angela Blycker
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Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
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Jesus Today by Sarah Young
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Jesus Lives by Sarah Young
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One Thousand Gifts Devotional Journal by Ann Voskamp
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Near Unto God by Abraham Kuyper
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Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon
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Because He Loves Me by Elyse Kirkpatrick
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Comforts from the Cross by Elyse Kirkpatrick
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My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
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Surrender: The Heart God Controls by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
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Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
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Crazy Love – Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan
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Forgotten God – Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan
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Reading the Bible with the Damned by Bob Ekland
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Expository Thoughts on the Gospels by J.C. Ryle
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Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die by John Piper
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Pierced by the Word by John Piper
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Life as a Vapor by John Piper
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Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper
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The Great Work of the Gospel by John Ensor
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Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
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The Precious Things of God by Octavius Winslow
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Spiritual Depression by D. Martin Lloyd-Jones
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He is There and He is Not Silent by Francis A. Schaeffer
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Reflections by Jim Branch
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Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson
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The Great House of God by Max Lucado
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Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
Colossians 3:16-17
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happy little sigh 