And after this, I’m counting minutes–approximately two each day–until the hours stretch to bring the golden light of the summer sun. But for now, when I feel more than a little sorry for those Narnians and their ever winter never Christmas. When even the icicles hanging outside the kitchen window, and the layer of ice coating everything else, when even they can’t shine, my brain can feel as cloudy as this murky winter light.
Still, sometimes I see it–the beauty of eternity that begins today. These little souls, my little men, and the treasure that they are.
Other days I hit the floor running,
some crazy dance from room to room,
glancing occasionally at the clock,
and imaging the utter shock
my friends would feel if they ever stopped
and saw the state of this house.
On those days I find myself, at least once,
pausing–the whirlwind of Cheerios and Lego and foam swords and four little men swirling all around me, a now cold cup of tea in my hand–wondering,
what, oh, what, is going on?
There must be something, something I’m missing,
or it wouldn’t be
like this.
But what?
A little sleep, to be sure.
An intentional effort to count blessings
and sing praise
and speak truth.
Yes.
All that.
All that, and just a little more time
with Jesus.
Because though I have 2 million distractions, though the crumbs, and the laundry, and the children cry out to my clouded, foggy, weary brain, though the weather is bleak, and though I carry sorrows and disappointments in the deepest chambers of my heart,
none of it
none of it
should be an excuse.
An excuse to raise my voice or declare my dissatisfaction or remain in a dark, murky mood.
Because eternity begins today.
Our eternity began the day we were born.
And for those of us who love Jesus
that means counting those blessings,
speaking those truths,
and no matter how we’re feeling,
choosing to live like Christ.
The new year is coming.
Isn’t that a shock?
And what sort of year, I wonder, is it going to be?
I have my hopes and have my dreams,
but I realize that what I need
more than anything
is to spend more time with The Word.
With Jesus.
Pouring over His commands,
reading and re-reading his life
until His words and His ways and His will,
which are all Him,
become more of who I am, too.
For there is no better way to know what we’re missing.
There is no better way to bring into the darkness of our lives and minds
We arrived late morning, just in time to see the tail end of the die-hard Black Friday shoppers toss another piece of plastic in their over-laden carts before struggling to maneuver them to the check-out.
I couldn’t help but wonder,
did they even like that stuff?
Did they need it?
Or had they been tricked?
But I was there, too, of course.
I was there, or I wouldn’t have seen it.
I was there, and armed with the page from the paper that showed the great deal on the bathroom set I was after. Bathrobe hook, hand towel loop, toilet paper holder, plus a few more.
And wasn’t I excited to keep the hand towel off the floor, where the children always leave it, and keep the toilet paper roll out of the toilet (or so I hoped).
But of course those items were just one of many on the long, long mental list of things I’d like for the house.
And of course once we’d stopped at the mall to let the children burn off some energy at the play area, and I took a stroll past H&M, I began think about my other list. The list of things I’d like for my wardrobe.
It’s intoxicating, you know, the mall is.
Every sense assaulted from every side.
Starbucks coffee, cinnamon rolls, perfume drifting from the department stores. The feel of silk, and faux fur, and leather. Nat King Cole crooning, and the Salvation Army bell jingling. The displays of clothes and furniture all looking so perfect, so much better than anything we have at home.
Couldn’t a person just get lost in it?
Caught up in the frenzy of buying
and trying
to fill the hole inside.
And while I went home looking forward to the giving
of the few gifts I picked up,
I also went home aching,
asking,
feeling anything but PEACE.
Because I know, though I never quite believe it,
that I am blessed beyond measure,
and that the more I have, the more I will want.
And though I tell it to my children,
what Christmas is all about,
and though we’re finding more ways of giving,
more ways of loving this year,
I find it’s still easy
to miss the point.
To miss the heart.
To miss PEACE.
I love the Christmas season.
Love it more each year.
Love the baking,
and the making
of sugar cookies,
paper snowflakes,
a wreath for the door.
Love candles glowing bright,
and singing Silent Night.
Love spotting a red cardinal
perched on a branch of lacy snow.
Or holly berries, and their leaves of thorns.
But what I needed on that day,
and what I need on this,
and what I desperately want my children to see,
is that the point of Christmas,
the heart of it all,
is found in His heart.
In the heart of Jesus,
and His love for us.
In His love we can let go of all the trappings,
all our unwritten lists,
all that haunts us in the wee hours of the night,
and we can simply rest.
Cling to Him, and be at peace.
“For He Himself is our peace.”
~Ephesians 2:14
As you light your second Advent candle this Sunday, remember the PEACE we have through Jesus. Hear Him whisper, “Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid.”
Avonlea xo
Happy Little Sigh
Finding beauty in the everyday ❤
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“The Holly and the Ivy,” King’s College Choir, Cambridge University, England
All those lazy days you planned and enjoyed are gone . . . or never seemed to come about at all.
And you’re not sure how it happened because, why, yesterday was just the fourth of July, and the time was meant to go slower, and the days were meant to be longer, and you’re just not ready to put your child into the next grade up, or go into the next grade yourself.
And you can already feel yourself drooling over tropical islands and craving some vitamin D.
And please don’t anyone mention that C word.
Christmas?
Mmmm . . . that’s right.
But aren’t we all happy when it comes?
I mean, imagine that it didn’t.
Imagine no family, no friends, no gifting, no baking, no singing, no decorations, no lights.
No light.
But there is, and we do.
Have Christmas. Have Light.
Even in winter.
And Light has a name.
“At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in its inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realize that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer.”
~ C.S. Lewis
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
And Light’s other name is Love.
Love that can get you through the winter.
Or a winter of your soul.
Love that comes after you, with a deafening roar and a mighty leap.
Even if you don’t know it, or you know it and you’re running away.
Winter.
It will come, no matter how we dig in our heals and will summer to stay.
But lighting our path through to next spring will be the celebration of the birth of a King.
A King who will, one day, make an end to
darkness
of
every
kind.
Journey with me? Into autumn, through the winter, as we look for Love, look for Light?
John, The Captain, and The General, and I had a delightful 24 hours in Chicago this week, relaxing in our hotel, peering through shop windows at the lovely, twinkly holiday displays, and sharing a deep dish Chicago style pizza at the famous Pizzeria Due. But those delightful activies were not the real reason for our trip. The real, really exciting reason was that I had an appointment at the British Embassy, where I took an oath and became a British Citizen. That’s right–me, Avonlea Q. Krueger, an honest to goodness British Citizen, subject of her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth.
Now let me ask my American friends not to panic–I still am and always will be an American. But for entirely practical reasons, John and I would like the entire family to have dual citizenship . . .
Okay, okay, those of you who know me well are probably sitting with raised eyebrows, saying to yourselves that there are probably one or two other reasons that have nothing to do with practicality which probably induced me to become a British citizen. And while I could begin to argue the benefits of all of us having passports from the same country, I must admit that you’re right. Some of my reasons are entirely fanciful and sentimental. Short of being adopted by a member of the royal family, or travelling through time and book-world to become one of Jane Austen’s characters, living in the UK and becoming a British citizen is the next best thing.
While other teenage girls daydreamed about New Kids on the Block or the captain of their high school football team, I was pouring over Victorian homemakers’ guides, decorating my room with lace, and telling anyone who would listen that I really was born in the wrong century. Nineteenth century Britain seemed to me the most beautiful, romantic, and inspiring places to live, and I knew that much of the history and culture had extended into the next century. And so in the background of all my dreams was the hope that one day I would step foot on the mistiest, the greenest of all isles, home to Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Shakespeare, Eric Liddell, Helena Bonham Carter, George MacDonald, the Wesley brothers, and a host of other authors, poets, actors, scientists, and hymn writers on my list of people I’d like to meet.
The teenage years can be difficult ones, and I wish that I could go back and tell myself some of the blessings that would come to me in my grown up years. Knowing that I would not only visit the UK, but spend eight years of my life there and eventually become a citizen certainly would have put a sparkle in my moody teenage eyes!
John and I have had so many challenges and uncertainties over the past few months, and I keep thinking that I wouldn’t mind having a bit more certainty about my future life back here in America. But I know that we aren’t meant to know too much of our future before it happens. God’s strength is enough for today, and it’s good to reflect on His blessings, which are new every morning.
What would you like to whisper to the teenage you to give yourself a little giggle? What positive blessings and suprises have happened in your life? If you are feeling a bit discouraged or anxious right now, make a list of some of the surprise blessings that have come to your life over the past 10 or so years. They may have been the harderst 10 years of your life, or they may have been the best, but I know that you will find some blessings if you look hard enough. The birth of a child? The purchase of a home? The introduction to a dear friend? An unexpected trip? A new pet? Time spent on a favourite hobby? The aquiring of a new skill? A new business started? Provision in time of need?
I’d love to hear about some of your most blessed blessings if you’d like to share them with me!
I know it’s been a looong time since you’ve heard from me, but moving continent and starting up a new business have kept us more than a little busy. But I’m hoping that beginning with the new year I’ll be able to post more often, for I have so many reflections, ideas, and inspirations to share with you all.
Till then, let me wish you all a very cosy, sparkly, Merry Christmas and a very, very happy New Year.
happy little sigh 