“She watches over the affairs of her householdand does not eat the bread of idleness.”
– Proverbs 31:27 BSB
In the early days of our marriage, John and I watched The Untouchables, the Prohibition-era thriller about crime boss Al Capone (Robert De Niro) and Prohibition agent Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner). The only thing I remember about the film is that I hated the violence–and one scene where Ness calls home to his wife. After getting off the telephone, he says to the other men in the room, “Some part of the world still cares what color the kitchen is.” I identified with that line, and never forgot it.
I got a lot of pushback from some fellow moms over my encouragement for people (especially mothers) to stop reading the Epstein Files. One commented that I was the kind of person who would simply sit and pray and hope Goliath would stop killing the Philistines. In a way, she was right. And this goes for my role and perspective toward all of the evils of this world. I am mama bear, the Keeper of My Home, and I will learn about the evils that are coming at my family–from dangers online, to the corrupt food industry, to the dangers of trafficking. I will learn just enough about these evils to know how to best keep my family safe–and no more. I will learn just enough, and I will pray.
Not because I don’t want these evils stopped–I do. But I will not be the one on the front lines tackling criminals to the ground, tracking down traffickers in the night, or fighting court battles. Some women do, and I am grateful for the females who are there to help other women and children in these vulnerable situations. Social workers, doctors, nurses, and others who step in to provide much needed care. But that is not my personal calling. I am a wife and homeschooling mother. For me to pour over the perverse, violent details of these crimes would do nothing to advance the cause of justice. What it would do is waste my precious time, numb my mind to evil, and fill my thoughts with grotesque images, where it should filled with beauty–beauty that I want to bestow on the lives of my children.
“I want you to be wise about what is goodand innocent about what is evil.”-Romans 16:19
Having our home and family as our first priority does not mean we stop caring about the anyone outside our family, or stop supporting the cause of justice and the defense of the helpless. God tells us to do this, and we can, through contacting our Representatives, donating to organizations that work to end injustice, signing petitions, participating in peaceful marches, volunteering at women’s shelters or pregnancy centers, fostering, adopting, or being a temporary safe home for children, and by showing hospitality. These are far more useful ways of impacting our communities and world for good than going down endless rabbit holes reading of the evils of this world.
“She opens her arms to the poorand reaches out her hands to the needy.”-Proverbs 31:20 BSB
The other accusation against women who don’t want to read all of the Epstein Files, or be fully informed about every evil going on in the world, is that we’re being like an ostrich with our heads in the sand, pretending none of the evil is happening. I hope you can see that’s not true. I am NOT pretending evil does not exist in this world. It is because of the evils of this world that I take my job as homemaker so very seriously. It is because of the evils of this world that I want to guard my mind and heart. It is because of the evils of this world that I understand the importance of my home being a haven for my family.
It’s okay to care about the of color the kitchen walls. It’s okay to want to make a tasty dinner. It’s okay to spend time finding the best books for your children. The reason Eliot Ness was out there fighting evil was so that his wife and children, and other women and children, could be safe at home–the home that his wife was turning into a delightful place to be. Why do the police, soldiers, doctors and others do what they do, but so that we can be safe at home? Why do many of our husbands go out to face the world every day, but so that we don’t have to, and so that we can be keepers of our homes, able to raise our children with purpose? They protect those at home. And it is our jobs as wives, mothers, and homemakers to make home what it is. After all, if no one is there caring about anything–from the color of the walls, to the books on the shelves, to what is going to be on the dinner table tonight–then what is there worth coming home to? And if you’re not going to do it, who will? I can’t overemphasis the importance of the job. There is no shame in our trying to create a place that is cozy, welcoming, inspiring, nourishing, attractive, and clean. To our families, and society as a whole, the haven of home is almost everything.
“A housewife’s work . . . is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, miners, cars, government etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes?”-C. S. Lewis
“To be happy at home is the end of all human endeavor.”-Dr. Johnson
Yes, we can get so wrapped up in creating the perfect décor and appearance of beauty that we neglect building inward, true beauty in our lives and the lives of our families. For what is home primarily, but the garden where we grow and nurture the children God has put into our care, with the most important lesson being to know Him. Filling our minds and time with fluff is a problem, too. We need to be on guard on every side. If our present calling is to be wives, mothers, or homemakers, then we should do that job with all of our heart–and that might just involve caring about the color of the kitchen walls.
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Nearly passed right by those handsome features, noble mien, and that shock of dark hair falling becomingly over his forehead.
You’d think I’d have been on the lookout. Kept my eyes peeled wide open.
I was in his house, after all.
Pemberley. Or, em, Chatsworth, which is what the place is really called. Chatsworth, not Pemberley, though it’s quite the grandest house in all of Derbyshire, and most certainly the place Jane Austen had in mind for this favourite literary hero, if the experts have it right.
Yes, there I was, at Pemberley, and I nearly missed my chance to meet Mr. Darcy because I had my eyes on the gift shop. The gift shop. Coasters and tea towels, and things like that.
But John called my name, and I swung round
and there he was.
Just waiting.
He even posed for a picture.
“But that’s not the real Mr. Darcy!” you may be muttering, or even shouting at the screen.
Well, I was at the other Mr. Darcy’s house too (Lyme Hall in Cheshire)! BBC fans, you may now breathe a sigh of relief.
Only there, I didn’t see him.
Though I did see this fair prospect . . .
I laugh a little now.
I almost didn’t see Mr. Darcy!
And oh, doesn’t it seem just a world away.
Not only that we’re in America and can’t just pop down to England to see Elizabeth and Darcy and all our other favourites like we did when we lived in Scotland.
But even having time to think about it all. To dream.
Finding time to put two of my own thoughts together seems like a luxury these days, what with all the loving I’m blessed to pour out on my three precious little men and their daddy.
The making of tea and the making of beds. The raiding of the kitchen and the cleaning it up. The folding and folding and folding of laundry, and the trying to find the time to put it away. The potty accidents to clean up, the littlest one to pick up, and the trying to look above and through it all to find just what gifts there are in today.
But it’s worth it, I’d say.
Worth taking time for stories.
Worth taking time to be still and (with a cup of tea!) examine and consider the finer, the truly beautiful and good.
And it’s worth, most of all, taking time to be with Him.
To be with Jesus.
How many times do I race through my day with my eyes on the gift shop? On running my errands, making my phone calls, and leaving my house at least as clean as it was that morning?
But how would it be if I took more time to look for treasures along the way?
To realize there is someone far nobler, realer, and more beautiful than even Mr. Darcy?
Someone who’s not just waiting, but knocking.
Knocking at my door, knocking on my heart,
and not just to pause for a picture,
but to spend the day with me.
JEREMIAH 29:13
You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
Avonlea x
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I dig my heals into the mattress, feel the sheets wrinkle up beneath my feet like an elephant’s skin as I push myself up to sitting. My legs are cold, so I tug at the quilt my grandmother made me–all polyester and purple and pink, though I have it flipped round so I can only see the back–and the white, nobbly chenille bedspread we bought at a market in Portugal.
I’m tempted to lie still, bask in the white light that’s pouring into my bedroom, let myself drift in and out of dreams. After all, silence is a thing that a mother learns not to waste. Silence is not a thing to waste, I remind myself, and so I reach for it–my black leather Bible–breathe in the sweet smell of the leather. Run my thumb across the gold lettering, faded from those years I read it every day. Those days I underlined verses, scribbled margin notes, added stickers–a shiny pink heart and an ice cream cone. Those days when silence and aloneness were not a foreign thing. Not like now.
And then I flip to the index, search for a phrase our pastor said. And I find it.
for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. – Romans 8:26
And I read it, and I read it again, and I’ve read those words three dozen times before, but somehow this time they strike me. Stay with me through the day.
The day of noise, and being anything but alone–though I can feel alone in a house with no one else over the age of eight. My day of being followed by Mr. Waddlesworth, his arms lifted, his curly head tilted back, big Charlie Brown mouth wide open as he cries crocodile tears because he’d love to be picked up and carried the day long.
My day of struggling through the times tables with the Professor, and the difference between “puppies” and “puppy’s” and reminding him to be a little ray of sunshine and not a little black rain cloud.
My day of helping the General in and out of his daily costumes–felt super hero masks, and pirate belts, and cowboy hats, and asking him if he needs the potty, and then adding his wet clothes to the laundry basket when he’s been too busy saving the world to take a trip to the bathroom.
My day of crumbs and stickiness–on the worktops, on the highchair, on the walls, on the floor. Crumbs and stickiness that never stay away for long.
My day . . . and yet I found, that during those rare seconds of quiet–or at least a quiet thought–that my mind drifted to those words I’d read that morning. Drifted like it never does, and I felt wonder. Peace. Strength.
Because I knew that every time I let myself become aware of the presence of God, that He was there, also thinking of me,
caring for me,
loving me,
as He always does,
though I cannot see Him
and I do not know.
Though I forget He’s there,
and how He cares,
and hardly think of Him in my busy, noisy day,
He is there
on His knees
lifting me.
Though it’s easier at certain times than others to see the miraculous, the eternal, in the everyday, today JUST KNOW that whenever you think of Jesus, He is already right there, thinking of, praying for, loving you.
I wasn’t ready for it. A restless night of twisted sheets, being forced from bed to soothe a crying baby, and strange dreams of being a gymnast, practicing my skills on the bars, had left my body feeling tired, my mind distracted and dazed. But it came anyway. The start of the day. Breakfast, and packing lunches, and making beds. Changing nappies, and dressing wee ones, and preparing for the school day ahead.
Before my boys came along I worked as a teacher, but this is my first year of official home education. My first year of adding tutor to my already full job description of chef, maid, nurse, chauffeur, activity director, police officer, and kangaroo (for the Admiral, who, at a whopping 24 pounds, still wants to be carried the day long).
And so an hour later I found myself, still dazed and unprepared for a day of living (let alone living well), trying to have a discussion about odds and evens with the Captain, all the while jiggling the Admiral on my knee and trying to ignore the General, who had squeezed onto the dining room chair behind me and in his very high-pitched three-year-old voice was speaking non-stop about wanting some cake (although I’d told him several times over that he had to wait for elevenses).
I tried giving snacks, introducing different toys, and even (though I try to avoid it in the mornings) putting on the television so I could get on with the lessons. But still, each soldier in my little army remained intent on being inches from me, if not in direct contact, each asking for something more or different or better from what he already had.
My head seemed to spin faster than I’d spun round those bars in my dream. I longed to crawl back into bed and find the unconsciousness of deep sleep. Or even the still, quiet surroundings of an empty house, where I could potter about, making sense of my jumbled thoughts.
To my right, the living room was strewn with giant colored cardboard bricks and scattered sofa cushions, the abandoned remnants of my attempt to entertain the younger ones. My mind seemed just as disorderly as the house, and as I attempted to turn my focus back to the math lesson, the thought crossed my mind that it would be awfully nice to have a real nanny and maid, so that I could be left to teach the Captain, and do only nice things with the boys (and perhaps sleep in a little on rare occasion). But of course that seemed as likely as my getting around to organizing some kitchen cupboards and planting the bell pepper seeds as I’d hoped to do that day (not to mention the school subjects we had yet to get through).
But unrestricted sleeping hours and empty houses are not some of the frequent luxuries of mummies of armies of wee boys, and in the chaos I longed for some little escape, some little treat to bring me comfort, and temporary escape from the swirl of color and noise that surrounded me.
A square of dark chocolate, perhaps?
A cup of espresso, topped up with raw sugar and heated milk?
A few minutes to skim the news feed on my Facebook account?
These are the things I often turn to bring drops of sanity to my busy, noisy day, but yesterday as I contemplated what method of escape I would employ, I thought of a different way. Down the hallway on my bedside table sat my black leather Bible, which I hadn’t yet touched that day.
And I didn’t have time, not just then, to pour over it as I would have liked to do. But I did have the time–as long as it would have taken me to slip into the kitchen to devour a square of chocolate–to flip to the Psalms, and the sweet morsels of goodness found there.
O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
– Psalm 34:8
And I wondered as closed my Bible, felt peace wash over me like a cup a chamomile tea, what I’d been missing.
Although there isn’t anything wrong with coffee, and chocolate, and Facebook news, what had I been missing by reaching for them instead of the Living Water found there in the Psalms, so accessible, so available to me?
For while our SIN can be easy enough to spot (though at times it’s not), there are deeper, sweeter paths of closeness to the Lord which we can go a lifetime and not discover. And what if those paths, those changes I so long to see in myself, can be reached not only through long segments of time spent in the Word, but through little moments of calling out to God for strength, and reaching for little pieces of His word?
What change could even one pure morsel of eternal truth make to my day?
After taking the time to read from the Psalms, I went on to finish the school day, plant those pepper seeds, and even clean out my kitchen junk drawer!
What a difference the reminder of Jesus’ love and presence had made.
In Him is strength, beauty, refuge, truth, and the nourishment I need to help me view my boys, my home, my life in the light of eternity.
The movement leaves me dizzy, for fast was never a speed that I’ve done well. Though words can come fast (from my lips or from my fingers), my moving and living, I’ve always done slow.
And it’s caused me problems, a little more than once, all my ponderings and perhapses. For time is sovereign in this world of ours, and doesn’t often leave room for the extras. The smelling of roses, the sighing over music, the browsing of books. And so while I start out ambling through my day like a Sunday driver, I end up racing half panic -stricken to make up for lost time and reach this or that place when I’m supposed to be there.
No, life doesn’t give us time enough for wonder. No, not enough time at all. Not like I thought it would be, those days before my real children came, when I poured over Victorian homemaker’s guides, all those black and white photos of ringletted children sprawled out on quilts to watch the clouds pass by, or gathered round the fire while their mother darned their stockings and read from Grimm’s Fairy Tales.
While we have our moments, our moments of creativity and laughter and peace, it seems to me that every day is more like a race. A mad rush to cross off my list, and get through the cycle I completed just the day before (with a few things extra, if I’m lucky).
It’s a mad rush, a frenzy, and the movement leaves me dizzy. For all day, every day, I move things. Move crumbs from tables and high chairs, from countertops and floors. Move clothes from hamper to washing machine, from washing machine to dryer, from dryer to drawer. Move dishes from dishwasher to cupboards, from cupboards to table, and back again. And the toys, oh the toys!
I move people, too. In and out of cribs and high chairs, pajamas and nappies, car seats and prams. The boys, they move, too. Round me in circles at times, trailing behind them their tears, their bickering, their shouts, till I feel like they’ve bound me and I might just crash.
And I’m running and I’m rushing, taking glances at my list, hardly stopping it seems at times, to eat or drink, let alone to wonder. Ponder. Enjoy.
Through the blinding light of these last few days—the unhindered light of the winter sun glaring off mountains of snow—I’ve tried to stand back and look. To breathe deeply and untangle the movement, the activity, and the noise. To find beauty, find truth, and remind myself why I do what I do. Where we’re headed, and why I dared to bring these little lives into the world.
For what is the point of making our home look peaceful and beautiful, if peace and beauty are not found in our hearts? And how can I ever find the strength to have patience in those moments of chaos, or have serenity, or joy, or wonder enough to pour out on my children, if I do not first take time to let myself be filled?
I don’t often have hours. For though I’d like it otherwise, busyness is the call of motherhood. But I’ve learned the importance of taking a few minutes—even five or ten—to feel God’s arms around me, listen to his voice, and ask his Spirit to fill me with his strength, his stillness, his truth.
Without him I so often end up on a merry-go-round of movement, my head spinning, and my day feeling as fractured as a mirror broken into a thousand colored shards, and I cannot think straight enough to put back the pieces.
And so that alarm gets set. A few moments to myself. I’m tired, yes, but those twenty minutes of quiet, just me and God, will make all the difference for the rest of my day.
I asked some friends to help me by sharing their favourite morning readings. Some are my favourites, too, and the others, I look forward to reading. A few are also available on CD, for drives in the car or mountains of laundry that need folded or ironed! As I said, I haven’t read them all, and so cannot comment on each one, but I’d SO love to hear your thoughts on ones you’ve read–or suggestions for more! Most can be purchased on christianbook.com
One Minute With God by Kathy Hardee
The Book Lover’s Devotional from Barbour Publishing
Running Into Water – by Angela Blycker
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
Jesus Today by Sarah Young
Jesus Lives by Sarah Young
One Thousand Gifts DevotionalJournal by Ann Voskamp
Near Unto God by Abraham Kuyper
Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon
Because He Loves Me by Elyse Kirkpatrick
Comforts from the Cross by Elyse Kirkpatrick
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
Surrender: The Heart God Controls by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
Crazy Love – Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan
Forgotten God – Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan
Reading the Biblewith the Damned by Bob Ekland
Expository Thoughtson the Gospels by J.C. Ryle
Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die by John Piper
Pierced by the Word by John Piper
Life as a Vapor by John Piper
Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper
The Great Work of the Gospel by John Ensor
Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
The Precious Things of God by Octavius Winslow
Spiritual Depression by D. Martin Lloyd-Jones
He is There and He is Not Silent by Francis A. Schaeffer
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
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happy little sigh 